Caleb
by vox nihilio
Summary: Caleb Dume, from Initiate, to Padawan, then criminal. This is a view from the beginning of his childhood to the end. This is what Kanan experienced at the temple, before he became the smuggler we know today, through glimpses of another life. Oneshot.
**Hello, and thank you for reading this story. I've been working on and off on this for awhile and I hope you like it! It's in Second Person perspective, I wanted to put myself in the memories and view of Caleb, sorry if it is confusing! Basically what I intended was for you to feel like him.**

 **For those who don't know, Caleb Dume was Kanan Jarrus's old name when he was a Jedi Youngling and Padawan. After Order 66, meeting Kasmir, (a smuggler who takes him in) and then leaving to go off on his own, he comes up with the name Kanan Jarrus.** **Many of the things mentioned here are _not canon,_ a few are from the comic Kanan: the Last Padawan (which is amazing, go check it out please.)**

 **By the way, I am working on chapter two of "A Different Path" That will be published soon! Same with chapter 4 of "The sky came calling."**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars Rebels, or Kanan: The last Padawan. Nor do I own any of the characters used in this story.**

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You are 2 when the people with the robes come.

They have kind smiles and a _feeling_ around them. Loud voices sprawl around you. One is the quiet strength of your mother's voice, the other a deep rumbling. In the chaos of your young mind you hear a name. _Kalia Dume._

You don't know how you remember, but sometimes you see in your dreams flashes of a memory. Flashes of a fruit floating between your plump and pink infant hands and a wrinkled, green, clawed one across from you.

Sometimes if you stay in your dream long enough, you see the unclear faces of your parents steadily getting farther as you walk down the wall. The weathered green one is beside you, your height equal to his. On your other side is a being so tall, you have to crane your neck to even see his arms. One moment you're there, the next you are in the warmth of the temple creche.

You are 6 when you first see the archives.

Shelves upon _shelves_ of information are spread across a huge room. You want to run in and grab every single datapad. The crechemaster sighs in disapproval as you start asking your questions. But there is a gleam of affection in her eyes as you ask on.

You are 11 when the war begins.

Tension clenches the air, adults whisper in hushed, strained tones. Their mouths twisting into grimaces, their eyes echoing a sense of shock. This is when you first hear _K_ _enobi and Skywalker, Skywalker and Kenobi._

You watch, hidden in the background, hidden in the library, the garden, _everywhere_ as the the Chosen One and his master rise in their fame. Soon Ahsoka, an older youngling that you knew, exclaimed with excitement in her eyes, "I'm going to be a padawan! To Skywalker!" Along with the younglings you give her a chorus of goodbyes.

You are happy for her, but the question at the tip of your tongue has an undercurrent of concern.

 _Why are padawans so young now?_

The crechemaster's eyes are sad as she answers "I don't know Caleb."

You are 13 when you meet Master Windu.

At first he seems stern and disapproving. But many questions and position fixes later you catch a flash of amusement in his dark eyes. You gain a new respect for him, and he finds himself smiling for the first time in awhile.

It appears even the toughest exteriors have a heart. You wonder if you will meet anyone else like this in the years to come.

You are 14 when you become a padawan.

After the confusing answer from Master Billaba you rush to your friends, expecting them to be happy for you.

Instead they show fear and envy. You're happy thoughts are halted as you realize that you have just lost your friends. You tell Master Billaba and ask her why they acted that way.

Again her answer is cryptic, but you begin to understand what she means. You like this gentle women with a smile full of mischief.

You are 14 when you lose your first friend.

He is a clone named Stance, and he saved your life in your first battle, but you couldn't save _his._ For the first time in your young life grief and rage fills you and you want to ask _why did the force let this happen?_ But somehow you know there will be no answer.

He dies in your arms.

You realize for the first time what _war_ is, and a part of you wishes you were still naive and safe at the temple.

You are 14 when the galaxy falls apart.

You see sudden, heart wrenching visions of Jedi dying _everywhere._ Even more shocking is that their own _men_ are the ones killing them!

You barely have time to think as the clones, your _brothers_ try to kill you. Master Billaba orders you to run, at first you don't want to leave her in the haze of blasters and betrayal. Then she says "I'll be right behind you."

You know it isn't true but it sets your legs in motion and you _run._

Tears fill your eyes as a pain hits you in your soul. Master Billaba joins the force as you scramble for cover from the ever present hail of plasma. You heard the teachers at the temple say that the dead are always with you because they are one with the force.

It certainly doesn't feel that way now. Your former Master offers no comfort.

You run for hours, you don't look back for fear of the clones. You jump through Plateau City, hiding from them. You dig through trash, abandoning Jedi etiquette Sleep is a scarce, food even more so.

You are scared, tired and hungry. You steal, you cheat, you hide, you survive. You are a criminal now, a thief when you use to be a warrior. You are no longer a Jedi.

You are a coward. You ran, you let your master die.

And now you are painfully alone. No masters to guide you, the force absent in advice. Your questions fall from your tongue. What use will they be now in a galaxy that hates you?

You think of your name _Caleb Dume_ and try to erase it from your mind. You aren't him anymore. You don't have a name anymore, you can't _afford_ to.

Besides, Caleb Dume died alongside Master Billaba.

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